A life of long weekends!

Well, sometimes a life of long weekends, and this is one of them!!! I am taking Monday off from my already established, but giant ball of stress, of a business, to pick up my other job as "Director of Sparkle" for Unrepeatables. That job is WAY more fun! I get to give away presents, check out tons of cool local shops, and inevitably have a paloma or some wine with my lunch when I am done. Plus, my friend Michelle is the Ambassador of Bling, and comes with me! So, needless to say, this long weekend will be a fun one; from 6:30 when I get off work to Monday when I go to bed. My days and nights will be filled with kick ball, power hours, Margarita Sunday, grilling with Shelly and Dan, getting our pool set up, and a celebratory dinner with Liam for kicking the ass of standardized testing (of which, I am not a huge fan.)
Also, I am not sure if I mentioned it, but Skyler is being moved to Denton today, so Dallas and Fort Worth folks, expect some Connally love this year! We will try to do every other visit without Liam so we can have fun weekend nights with friends, and fun weekend days with new family therapists and staff members. At first I thought I would be upset that he was being moved so far from us, but now I think it will be cool to get a weekend away every 6 weeks or so. I haven't been to Dallas since we moved in 2004, so it's time to get back to visit. Maybe it's the impending weekend talking, or maybe the fact that every Friday means that I have successfully conquered one more week as a business owner, but I am feeling great today, and hope that everyone else is too!

A life filled with confusing elderly people.

OK, so this is not in my normal vein of bitching and whining, but I have to express my fear for the safety of our elderly! A growing problem is endangering their very lives, and it is a problem that is reading epidemic proportions. This epidemic is plastic surgery. I was at Randall's today buying paper towels and was very exasperated waiting for this man who appeared to be in his late 50's-some indistinguishable age older than that. Not an old man by any means. He was at the crosswalk looking at me, and I was waiting for him to cross. Then, I waited some more, and some more, and upon a closer look realized this man was easily 80 years old. This man, who took no less than 4 minutes to cross the street, with the help of a shopping cart, proceeded to drive away on his on, very slowly. Thinking this was a dangerous event, that was not without humor, I began driving away, only to see another "young" lady of 110 come out of the twin liquor, get into her caddy and drive away. How will the boy scouts get their badges? How will we know who to brake for and who to curse at? Where will we turn for war stories? What is to become of us? I am scared!

A life with 1 car.

I am not overly familiar with the Bible, but I reminded of Job lately. Lately being for the past year plus. I am listening to you, universe, but that doesn't mean I accept what you are saying, or that I am interpreting things correctly. Friday afternoon Brian's car died in Spicewood (Hi AJ), while he was on the way back from visiting Skyler out west. I was in Odessa, so unable to help, but Dave came and saved him. I guess I can't be too surprised, it is a 2000 Ford Mustang with a shit ton of miles on it. But, it was my college graduation car, and is still sad. We are, ridiculously, going to look at fixing it up ourselves, since we don't have the money for a new car just now. In the meantime, we are down to 1 car. 1 car, 1 child being moved to (steady yourselves) Denton, 1 in school who has been bullied on the bus but its TAKS week, so they can't really fix the issue yet, and 2 jobs in 2 different towns. That seems like a losing equation! Fortunately, it's KickBall weekend this weekend, and Brian and I are happily both going to be off work. I feel like at some point our luck will change. At some point there will be money, cars that work, kids who both feel safe and happy all the time, wherever they are, and I will be a size 6. At some point. In the meantime, all we can do is our best every day and hope the universe stops testing and starts helping!

A life with home visits? STILL?

So, here is an interesting thing you should know! If you have ever become involved with DFPS you have a "friend" for life. Here we are, 13 months and 3 home visits later after Skyler moved out. Apparently, in order to exist in his life in any capacity we have to prove ourselves, not through frequent and meaningful interactions and unending family therapy, but through a series of invasive and pointless opportunities to clean out house from top to bottom and make it look like we have things like milk, and not things like beer in our fridge! The home visit, which used to be the dreaded "what in the world is he going to say about us this time" visit, has turned into the "no, it's cool, we don't have jobs, and we do think it's totally reasonable for you to tell us we can't have a swimming pool, visit. Seriously. No pool, in case our adoptive son, who lives 400 miles away happens to fall in it and drown. Also, he has to have a mattress cover on his bed, in case his pee can travel through wildfires and walls and county lines. Yup, the kid who lives elsewhere doesn't live in what is officially the most child proofed house ever, for 1 hour each year. Good thing though....If he ever did visit you wouldn't want the 12 year old drowning in our 3.5 foot pool, or opening any cabinets. The "visit" is in 30 minutes. Funny enough, the exact time I should be picking my son up from school, who does live here, even the rest of the year when we have pools and beers and open cabinets. He has been bullied at school and on the bus, which he has to take today, because of the home visit to ensure that the child living 400 miles away has a safe place to not come home to. Welcome to bureaucracy.

A life where 4/20 has no meaning!

Sorry to anyone out there who's birthday is today, if I know you, and I knew it was your birthday, it would have meaning! Instead of skipping class/work/life to hang out in my yard like a ne'er do well, I am here sitting at my desk, after being at work for 7.5 hours so far. (Kind of still like a ne'er do well, blogging instead of invoicing.) But even still, it's a big change from the 22 year old Julie of my past. Which makes me think about all the versions of oneself one encounters throughout their life journey. I have gone from a long dress wearing, club joining, church going kid, to a cargo pant wearing, dread lock having, keg beer swilling, political view finding, insecure 20 something, to a liberal, outgoing, family loving, keg drinking, secure in myself enough to not over think every last thing 30 something. It makes me wonder what the 40's will bring. I understand why people say the 30's are where you really find yourself, and where you finally feel comfortable in your own skin. I hope this version on me, but with a bigger bank roll, sticks around long term! When do you make the transformation from comfortable and cool to crotchety and too secure so now you are know it all? (Don't deny it old people, you seem to think you have all the answers, even though what those answers are differ between each of you!) That's a journey I am not looking forward to now, but I wonder if I will like it when it comes. It's been a weird week, I have been faced with the question of mortality so many times in the last 36 hours. The Julie of her 20's was scared to death to even contemplate what it meant to be human. (SHUT UP, I know I was a philosophy major, I have always been big on facing my fears head on.) But, this weird, and brand new 30's Julie doesn't seem to panic as much. I mean, I still freak when financial crisis occur, but those never happened in my 20's either. But I don't spend as much time crying (yes, actually crying) over a world that will one day not know me. (That's probably why I take SO many pictures of myself.) Tangent loving crazy lady say what? Where was I? Oh yes, it's 4/20, I am not stoned, I am at work, and I am fine with it. Hope everyone else is happy with their decisions de jour as well, whatever they may be.

You know that voice in your head?

I am not sure if everyone has that voice in their head that says "I am meant to do something good." Or worse yet, the one that tells you that you will "change the world" by doing (insert world altering greatness here), that won't be silenced no matter how many beers you drink and kittens you save. Well, I have that voice. That aspire to reach new heights, stop at nothing to make a difference, egotistical but in a well meaning kind of way voice. And here is the result of listening to that voice, as of 4/19/11. We have 1 sweet gray kitty, who is a boy but named Rosie, and 1 missing and presumed dead black and white devil cat named after Soren Kirkegaard, 2 frogs who have their own story, a very high spirited and wonderful 2 year old "puppy" named Guthrie Pants, 1 sweet genius of child whom we named Liam but who also responds to hamster, a great marriage, despite it all, and a Skyler, the tangible result of listening to that voice. When Skyler was living with us I wrote all about the ups and downs, the uncertainty, the fear, the hope, and innocent love that a small boy can have for someone called "brother." Since he left us 13 months ago, instead of writing about our still wonderful family and all our ups and downs, hopes, fears, promotions, catastrophes, and triumphs, I let myself think things were "normal." No family is normal, and especially no family with at least one person with a loudspeaker for an inner voice! So, here is the new story, of the same family, not the aftermath of Skyler, but the possibility of a future where maybe everyone has an inner voice, and maybe you don't have to jump into a volcano to silence it, just go for a run and smile at strangers. Today is a sad day for me. Emotionally I officially transitioned to "maybe" to "certainly not". But it's a day where I don't feel like I would have 1 year ago. I don't think anyone has failed anyone, and I don't think anyone is to blame. I think, as my best friend Nikki so aptly said, "Too many demons for such a young life...I will keep as many positive thoughts as I can for him." I don't even feel like that voice led me astray, it just led me a little too far off the path. I found my way back, (can't say the same for the missing and presumed dead Soren) to a world where I can appreciate that everyone should aspire to do the best they can for themselves and their families. I love Skyler and will forever be sad that we couldn't save him, and that love wasn't enough. But, he felt our love, and he still does, it just wasn't enough to quiet his voices, that unfortunately didn't lead him to grand save the world gestures, but rather to one heartbreaking decision after another. I hope that medicine can prevail where love, structure, and family couldn't. But, no matter what, I know that Brian, Liam, Rosie, Guthrie, Elvis, Joey and I are going to have many more adventures that are just as meaningful and noteworthy as the truly exceptional and hopefully unfinished trip we took with Skyler. And I want to thank you all for coming on all these trips with me!