Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I think my favorite part of the alphablog is trying to come up with a good word. It's a hilarious look into my brain that I always want to share, but try to limit to just once or twice per letter. Today my brain is going like this. R...R....R....Regis and Kelly? Rancid, Republican, riki tiki tavi, regina specktor, religion, retribution, relinquish, rehab, rocks, rocky road, rocky mountain, relish (mmmm, veggie dog), rock steady. Finally, I must conclude that no R word is going to jump up and grab my attention. But look at that list. I think a therapist could go to town there!!! Oh, now I am thinking of R Kelly and that makes me think, once again, of WINGO. The guys tells an R Kelly joke every time he pulls an I-30. Isn't it tidy when everything in life comes back to Wingo? Don't you wish you had such a nice wrap up? But, back to my nothing to say. Repertoire...if I had one of those, I could just pull some stock piece of genius from it that would make you weep from the beauty of it all. Maybe I will put a bunch of words in a hat and whatever I pull out I will make myself write something amazing about. Or something mediocre. Mundane? Mercilessly boring? WAIT! I am doing R's. Stupid bossy M. Raise your hand if you are thinking to yourself, "self, I think Julie is drunk blogging again." Now put your hands down, you rapscallion. I am sober as a church mouse. And not a Catholic church mouse who got into the wine either! A baptist one who lives in Footloose town. Yeah, that's right. A footloose baptist church mouse. On that note of mental Racket. I guess I will let you alone. Maybe something great will occur to me later, but until that time, in the words of Oprah, "Until we meet again."

Really, you brought that back?

Brian just told me that Beavis and Butthead is back on the air, and not only that, but he is happy about it! What? That's crazy! It was one of his favorite shows when he was a kid, and now, it's back! Nooooooo! Thank goodness he wakes up early and we don't live in a one room house. Although, I have to say, I have watched South Park with him a few times this season and it's pretty hilarious. It went though a gross sort of dark time that either they are now out of, or I am even more desensitized. That really could go either way. Oh, other hilarious TV that I recommend is "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" and "Bored to Death." Neither are OK for kids, so be warned. So, today marks my second full day without Facebook, and thus far it is going quite well. It's weird to see the level of it's brain involvement, I would imagine it is like a smoking addiction, but WAY WAY less addictive. But similar in the sense of, "Oh I just got home from anywhere better check my page." Or," Oh I just got up to get a glass of water, better check my page." "It's a red light" "It's a commercial break." "I am on the computer for work." "I am in the middle of a borning conversation." YIKES! Yesterday, I played some online games, which were super fun, and I dusted the downstairs with Brian, complete with the tops of windows and doors, the ledge thing over the doorway, all the furniture, the electronics. I normally would have been on facebook thinking about how annoying it is that my house is dusty. One thing that happened that is new and not fun is that I woke up with my teeth killing me because my jaw was totally clenched and I was grinding my teeth. I am hoping it was from something other than Facebook addiction. Can you imagine? A physical reaction to not being able to be nosy!!! In other news, how is everyone doing? ;) I have to go to work for super awesome Pizza Movie Day and the kids are wearing their costumes so I am going to stop off at the store and get them some treats too! I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend ahead. In the words of Springer, "Take care of yourself, and each other."

Radical

Today, I made the leap to disentangle myself from Facebook. That's pretty radical! I came to this decision after some work drama was aired right out on the page for all the world to see. Normally I would not jump to such a rash (another great r word) decision, but I felt compelled to it. Yesterday, my husband was unfriending people, and changing people's visibility, and importance or whatever, and it sort of hit me that the whole FB thing is really a way to be sort of catty, or gossipy without the face to face interaction that keeps people civil. I mean how many people are we "friends" with that we haven't seen or even spoken to in years? And yet, we check their pages and allow them into our personal business? Why? We can't possibly trust all 287 people we are "friends" with. What's to keep people from doing lasting damage to your name, or business or reputation? Fear would be my guess. Fear of retaliation, fear of being talked about in a vague sort of way that could be about you but gives you plausible deniability later...what is that? Facebook makes people paranoid, it gets in your head. So, after Brian asking me if someone's post was about me, then thinking about all the people we "block" or unfriend or talk about uncharitably, and realizing that I really don't want people in my business...THEN having actual business stuff aired so publicly, I figured, why not stop the cycle of issues, at least as far I am concerned. So, no more facebook. If I am being honest, I have checked Brian's page since I "quit", and probably will again! And I think I will feel a little lost without the constant bombardment and noise. But that is crazy too. It was SO hard to pull the plug, to deactivate my account. I couldn't even delete it, I just turned it off! And my hands were shaking and my stomach hurt until it was over. That's not right. That's crazy! So, it's been about 2 hours, and I have definitely transferred part of my addiction to google+, but I am hopeful that the death grips of social media are a little weaker now. Without a smart phone, I can't even check g+ unless I am at a computer anyway, so at least I know I won't be trying to check things at red lights now! To the rest of you out there feeling bad, or paranoid, or being compelled to check your page every hour, or every 10 minutes, or just leave it open for easy access...there is hope! And if people want to find you, they still can. Privacy is a good thing, and I am delighted to have it back! See you in the real world, people.

R is for running (it's not about running, it's about wingo)

Running is what I should be doing right now, before I shower, go to HEB for supplies for the school, go to work, go to the bank, back to HEB for stuff for dinner, come home by 3:00 to be here when Liam gets off the bus, help him with his homework if he needs it (he won't), make dinner, and finally do the thing I have been waiting for since last Tuesday, go to WINGO! As my life becomes more chaotic and stressful and upsetting, I have been clinging to this Tuesday tradition of Wingo, which is the chicken wing franchise known as Plucker's version of Bingo. This week will mark my 13th week in a row of attending this silly event. But, the social aspect, the potential for a free giant Plucker's mug, the fact that even though I am broker than I ever have been in my life, I can still go and play for free and drink 2$ Lone Stars and they give you the puzzle cap, it's all sort of a great equalizer. I mean, I know there are people who are in fact beyond broke, and would not be able to spend 10-15$ each week on cheap beer, and so in part it makes me feel more positive because as bad as I am perceiving things, I have not missed a Tuesday. I think another reason that Wingo has become such a comfort to me is that it is totally up to chance. Yes, I am 0-12 currently, but it's not my fault, it's not the caller's fault, it's just luck, and it feels amazing to have any aspect of my life be out of my hands, even just a game of chance once a week. You know how you wish you could just step back and let someone else take over? Well, for 90 minutes of my week, I can, and I am pretty sure it is what is keeping me sane. And I have to say, having a friend going through a divorce, one definitely getting the short end of the stick at her job, people with kids, someone who has to be married to me, all coming back every single week, I may not be the only person getting some therapy from a silly game, a 2$ beer, and 90 minutes of hopeful yet totally unimportant fun. See you at WINGO! But be forewarned, if you do show up, Wingo takes balls!

What? Journey starts with J

How did I miss that? J is for journey. Journey is both my name here, and an awesome band! Phew, so glad I realized my error before the week was over and I had moved on to R! (Thanks Rachel!) I sermonize a lot, I feel like I am speaking to a huge audience, not just an audience of 50 or so, but this notion of a Journey is very important to me. If this day were all that mattered, what would that mean? It would mean that I look amazing, but have done nothing of value, so my life would have no value but be pretty. Fortunately, just because today has been quiet and I am gussied up with no where to go, tomorrow will probably happen, yesterday happened, and therefore life becomes a whole picture made up of the important and mundane. While you should live life to the fullest, I can't get behind living every day like it's the only day or the last day, because sometimes you just have no plans! Imagine how exhausted you would be! Why sleep if you are only living one day? Why eat right? Why work out? All those people are full of crap!!! No one lives each day like it could be the last one, if we did, there would be anarchy and unemployment and healthcare would be even more of a nightmare than it already is! I prefer to live life like a journey. Some days you hit a deer, some days you drink a beer, some days you put on a super pretty dress, blow out your hair, and do nothing! But that's OK, because there could still be a lot of traveling left. Even on the best vacations, you have lazy days, or food poisoning, or hit traffic, or the bank thinks there is no way you could be somewhere so fabulous so they turn off your cards. Life is just like that! You have to roll with the punches, and it helps to have some really great traveling companions! And now, as promised, me on a bike, looking fancy.

And also, because they are little weirdo's, Liam and Brian pretending to be T-Rex's in the kitchen.

J is for jumping!

Pam asked what I was going to blog about today, but I am really exhausted. So, instead, here is a picture of Liam in an inflatable hamster ball that you run and jump in. We have been calling Liam Hamster since birth, so it is no wonder he was a natural in there!
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/303195_2247379220924_1141493686_32276234_1545523785_n.jpg
Oh, hang on, being super bone crushingly sleepy has rendered me incapable of loading the picture. I won't leave you hanging though so while I figure that out,
here is a funny story:
Earlier today, I got home from my super fun, busy, crazy, noisy, great day as a volunteer at an elementary school carnival, and was starving, because minus a muffin around noon and a donut around 8 (Jealous of my healthy diet? I know you are!), I had not had time to eat or drink a thing all day. So, first thing I made some pasta and got myself a glass of water. I also grabbed some cheese and put it on the counter, next to the cup of water, then I grabbed some ice and put it in the pasta! At least I hadn't grated the cheese yet, so the water did not go to waste. The pasta was OK too, because as it was happening I had that super slow mo vision and snatched it out (pulled it out like a confused puppy?).
OK, back to the picture issue...

Enjoy it! And feel free to suggest a new letter for me for next week. I will try for something more meaningful tomorrow!

The letter J

I should have picked the letter B, so I could put that KICK ASS Blondie recipe up, but that will have to wait for another day. I will stick with the J and make the most of it. Justifiable homicide? Just kidding! No, I want to admit that I am kind of a jerk! And not like a jerk who makes soda, or like the kind of meat, but like the kind of person who acts jerky! But not twitchy jerky, jerky jerky! Why would such a fantabulous person such as myself admit to being a jerk? Well, because I get so caught up with my own crap that I jump to conclusions about things, people, life, that might not be founded in any type of reality. Take yesterday for example. I was feeling very upset because I was jealous of this person buying a ton of beer at HEB, and I didn't have go buy a ton of beer money, and that very silly thing spiraled into a whole pity party whereby I started picking apart friendships, relationships, work, family, and everything. Weird how that can happen, right? Beer envy created life panic. I started going over texts and phone conversations with people from that day and the previous days, and decided that my lack of texts, lack of plans, and annoyance at being at a standstill at work all equalled having no friends, no future, and meant I needed to eat a tray of blondies. Sheesh! All from beer envy! So, today, thanks in a large part to one of my besties, Leslee, giving me a reality check, I realize I am indeed a jerk! (Although, Leslee did not tell me this, she was just being a good friend and I came to that realization on my own!) A jerk with good friends who have their own issues. And a jerk with good friends who would understand me better if I was open with them. A TOTAL jerk who doesn't have to have people over every weekend to remember that people still care about me. Also, I am little jerky for thinking the worst of not only one friend, but many different people. I have to say though, there are still a couple people out there I think I am right about! I do still have beer envy though, so anyone who feels like they may have bought too much recently, I can totally help you out with that!
Now I am off to Blazer Tag and the Children's museum. Fun right? WRONG! I have to pick up some gift certificates for the Cowan Carnival this weekend. You should come, it will be fun. You can call me a jerk and I will admit to it, but still possibly harbor some resentment toward you for being so mean!

How about J for Julie!

Really, it's for jealousy and how easy it is to feel it, even though we know nothing about other people's lives. Sometimes, I think, I know enough. I wrote this whole blog about entitlement, friendship, disappointment, and what it really means to put other people first...BUT, I knew it would cause a lot of resentment, so I deleted it. I will say that I do feel quite a lot of very nasty and negative things lately, and that I would really like the sun to come out. I'm so tired of feeling used. It's not the debt, the inevitable end, the super crazy awesome exciting promise of the future, it's the knowledge that I am coming out of it so much more alone than I entered into it. So, maybe jealousy isn't the right word. I am not jealous of those who have, they (to some extent) earned it, worked for it, traded something else for it, who knows. I think what it is is sort of amazed that people who have so much often times see so little of others, and automatically get this sense of entitlement. I truly hope that as a result of our struggles these past 2 years, and probably most of next year, Liam will not have that. I hope that not only does he not compare himself and his possessions to others, but that he does not demand what he wants from other people, and become angry at the world, his boss, his friends, whatever when things don't go his way. Sometimes, things don't go our way. And as I write this, I am more and more aware that the me of 3 years ago would have been an object of jealousy for the me now, and the me back then didn't realize how good I had it either! So, coming full circle, I suppose, the people I might envy, could have been where I am before, or could be there sometime in the future. There are no guarantees. I wish I had done things differently, trusted differently, prioritized differently, but in the end, I can't judge myself too harshly for trying to make things better for people I cared about. Wow, I don't know if ANY of this made sense, but I sure feel better!!!
And now, for your viewing pleasure, an apple trying to eat a dog!

O is for...

Did you know that the furry dust that gathers under the bed has a name? It is called oose. Isn't that the perfect name for furry unde bed dust? Oose. I will try to use that 3 times in sentences today. The best part is, I have no bed frame, so I have no oose. Liam's room, however, is probably oozing with oose.

Moving on.

Brian and I are heading to Mobile tomorrow for a wedding, and we are pretty excited about that. I am less excited because I have been a diet fail lately, and literally have nothing to wear, so I will be entering the depths of my closet today to try and find something suitable. In related news taking almost a week off working out was not the best idea I have ever had.

There are some real things that I can't wait to be able to talk about here, but can't right now, so I apologize for the obvious filler lately, but I am trying to stay in the habit of writing. If I didn't have so little to say, no one would know what oose is, so you're welcome for that!!!

Liam asked me last night if we could call Skyler because he wants to go see him soon. I explained how it's not really up to me if he is able to have visitors, and additionally we have no free weekends until January 14th. Liam pulls out the calendar to look at what we have going on, and totally admonishes me by saying, "Ummm yeah, mom, family is more important that parties, we are going to see him." So, we are calling him after school today to see what we can arrange. I really do not think they will let us go to him, normally they want him settled without distractions for a couple months when he starts a new place, but it certainly does not hurt to ask. I will keep you all posted. At the least, it will be nice to talk to him, it's been about a month since he moved and we last spoke. He was funny that day, we hadn't been able to talk to him for months because of the rules of the previous place, and the first thing he did was ask for presents. Kids!

Letter Of the week is O

I wasn't sure where to go with my letter O week, so I googled words starting with O, and realized some great ones exist. It hasn't made it easier for me to pick, but I thought I would share them with you and hope that something comes to me. Omnipotent, oven, obtuse, optimistic, okra, obey, ostentatious, oxymoron. You see, O is a valuable letter! It's outstanding! I thought about talking about obedience and how I am not a fan, because I was raised by someone who didn't always make good choices for me who said I had to "obey" her. So, that is a tough one for me. I took it out of my wedding vows, I never tell Liam to "obey" me, but I do tell him he has to listen to me and occasionally, "just do it because I said so, sheesh." I thought about that voice that got into the upper registers of the heavens just saying HONOR AND OBEY, meanwhile I was wearing prairie clothes and marching though New York on cold nights waiting for broken cameras to show us signs from above. Then I thought, my mom wasn't the only one out there making those choices for their families, how many other kids grew into obedience fearing adults? I have to say though, I am glad that knowing things were not right caused me to ask questions and not just accept things on faith. Some faith is good and necessary, but there is room for science, for observation and questions. I could have gone the opposite direction, the direction it seemed like I should go, and just never look up, never see how the rest of the world was, but then I wouldn't have been me. I went through a phase of not wanting dresses or skirts, and I still hate conforming to what people in a certain demographic think is right. I hired a cool hippie guy with spacers in his ears to be a teacher, because who says guys with big earrings can't be awesome teachers, and I was right. I have shown more than a little cleavage in my day because the I was raised with the two fingers from the neck is too revealing. Except in cases of extremism I try to be tolerant of everyone, and maybe then I should be too, because I guess you never know how someone was raised. I am not saying kids should be given carte blanche to act like jerks and run their mouths, but give them a reason to listen, don't just quote the catechism or some other far reaching doctrine. Obedience, to me is not a necessary vocabulary word. Respect me because I am fair, not because we share DNA. Honor me because I am honorable, not because I carried you for 9 months. "Obey me" because I am only trying to keep you safe, and because we love each other.
Look at that, I guess I went with obedience after all!!!

Letter of the week is O

I am going to try something a little different from now on. I will pick a letter, if no one picks one for me, and write a few blogs through the week incorporating it. One about character, a recipe, something personal, who knows what pattern will develop over time. This week, I am choosing O because I really want to say something about obesity and how it doesn't have to keep escalating among our children. In 2008 33% of children and teens were found to be obese, and I know the number is higher now, but I can't find the exact number. That leads to diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, low self esteem, etc. We all know that, but what gets me is how people say they don't want to deprive their children. As a child who had a mom who thought swamp soup was a good option to pasta, and that whey and wheat germ were sweet enough, I get that having no sweets will make you curious, and even resentful. So, I have thought of a new plan for you! A. Don't buy chips, oreos, ice cream, donuts, and soda to live at your house. B. Don't eat fast food every day. How will that help us not feel like we are going without our delicious trans fats and sugar highs, you ask? Here is how. When you go to the grocery store, use the money that you would have spend poisoning your family on good healthy, and still inexpensive things. I buy whatever fruits and veggies are on sale and go from there. Then, with the money you will have saved on the crap and the doctors bills, go out for dessert once a week. AND when you go to Subway, instead of McDonald's, because it's the same price only better, get chips there. So, here you have 2 times where you have sated the junk food craving, so your kids won't think it's unfair that they never get chips or pie, and you will think how lovely it is that you haven't had to buy new pants for Jonny this month since he hasn't outgrown his again, already. I promise you, as a broke over weight person, healthy food is just as cheap and just as easy to prepare as junk food. And for the record, Kraft Mac and Cheese is not the same as whole wheat pasta and sauce, but you can spend 2$ on either. The difference is that 2$ for the whole grain pasta and jar of sauce will feed your whole family, not just Jonny. There is my soapbox. Please stop poisoning your children.