A lesson I am learning all the time!

I complain! A LOT! And I can be full of judgement. VERY! So, when occasions happen that leave me learning a lesson, I feel the need to share and apologize. I am trying to hear the words coming out of my mouth a little more clearly before I actually speak them! "About time" some may say, "Why now?" some may rightfully ask. Last Friday there was an officer involved shooting here in Austin, and the officer in question has been labeled a murderer by the conspiracy folks, the over active activists, and probably by many well meaning folks like much like you or me. And it's OK to be well meaning, in fact, that should actually prevent any such judgement from happening, because, if we are being honest with ourselves, passing judgement over strangers is not actually very well meaning at all. In fact, I think many, let's just call them, folks, claim well meaning much like southerner's claim they want your heart blessed. We mean that well, we think we know stuff and we want you to agree, or maybe we think your tea is not sweet enough. The thing is, the officer involved has a family. And now his children are hearing and reading that their dad is a murderer. And these people saying this about their dad, have no idea what the truth is. But that doesn't stop them from screaming it out. Words have meaning. I know I have said that before!!! They do, and murderer, that's a no takesey backsey word if ever there was one. I am not saying it's devastating that a man was killed, I would rather no one had guns or ever got shot, or raped, or mugged, or caught a cold. But, that's not the point! The point isn't even that Detective Trey is a good person, with a hugely generous spirit. It's that we don't know the details of what was probably a devastating moment in his life as well. And we don't know the details of a lot of devastating moments in a lot of lives. So before we call someone a murderer, or a bitch, or a junkie, or a bad dresser, we should stop and think what it would mean to our children if they heard someone talk about us that way. I will forget this lesson over and over again, and I will be more angry with myself each time I remember it again; words have meaning, chose yours carefully! Also, I have no idea what a semi colon is for.

the 4th and what it means to me

It's true. Every year I wrestle with the 4th of July. The 4th used to be my holiday, among many others. You who know me, know I love an occasion to gather loved ones and celebrate. But the 4th more so than others. The 4th was MY holiday. It was in the swing of my favorite season, right before Amy's birthday, a bit before my birthday. The weather was hot, the plastic pools in demand, the margaritas flowing, I loved the 4th. For none of the patriotic reasons, I just loved it. I loved the scorching Texas heat, I loved the long weekend from work, the friends who always came to our house. I loved it. Like Thanksgiving, I looked forward to it every year. After Mary died during 4th of July weekend, that all changed, and we downplayed it. Then, since it is a national holiday, politics took over too, and now, for so many reasons I kind of hate it. I wish every year I could blink and have it be July 5th and no one would have their feelings hurt that we didn't make the 5 hour trip to be with family and try to forget about what used to the Gatsby of my holiday's. I wish that I didn't get annoyed that one party thinks they have the market cornered on patriotism, and one feels like they have to either be aloof or be defensive. For me, the 4th may as well just go on by. I love living here, I am not saying that America is less deserving of a day, I am just saying, I am less inclined to celebrate it. If I am happy, I am guilty, if I am patriotic I am annoyed, if I am in Austin, I should be in Odessa. For the rest of you, happy America, happy happy happy summer, it's my jam and I love it, and I want you to love it too. But for me, I look forward to vacation in a few days, and would be OK if today could just be a blip on the radar. Maybe not the best little blog back after a year, but it's what I was feeling today. Love and peace to you all, no matter where you may find yourselves emotionally, politically or patriotically. The cool thing about America is that she loves you anyway, as do I.