I should learn sign language

So, even though my job could be ending on Friday, I learned that there are a tremendous number people with deafness and other hearing or verbal issues. I feel like I should learn sign language. I am not saying that I can just go pick it up and it's no big deal to learn a whole language, but I bet I could at least take a class or get the basics down. Like Spanish Communications 1 but for sign instead. Also, and totally less the point, I bet it would help put me in a better position if I do indeed need to begin a new job search next week. So, no great long blog today, but I think I will start learning some basic sign language. And before you all think I just jump from project to project, I worked on my book again this weekend, but it sort of changed directions again, so I have to really think about what my audience is once it really takes good form. I am off work tomorrow and Thursday hopefully getting some wedding stuff done with a couple of friends who are getting married next year, working out all the legal issues I have gotten myself into with the business closing, taking care of my sick 10 year old, and hopefully sleeping a little too!

Consumerism and Christmas

This Christmas I have been blissfully working a retail job, loving every minute of the employees and the people lovingly picking out books for their families as gifts for Christmas, Hanukkah, the Solstice, and probably other cool traditions and holiday's too. But working in a bookstore seemed special, less focused on commercial greed. Even people buying Nooks and gift cards were giving education, open mindedness, travel to exotic places, keys to unlocking imagination, education. And while I was working this season I was too busy to do any shopping of my own, so I didn't think about the world out there buying everything in sight. It wasn't until last night when I joined the masses and this morning when I woke up and really thought about it that I started forming real opinions. Christmas has become what the Grinch feared it would. A world without presents, and Christmas would not still come. People must believe to their core that their families would not be OK with just having love to go out and panic and spend money they work all year to save, to go out and feed this greed. And then, people say it's "good" for the economy, as they spend their hard earned money at Walmart, Target, the mall...places where the business are publicly traded, places where the bank has a large investment in whether they succeed or not. I went into this Christmas wanting to make gifts, buy local, and chose each item with love and excitement. Then, last night, with my feet killing me, I drove to Target, and knocked out several items. They were things that were on my list anyway, but I paid more than I had planned just so I didn't have to go to another place. And the bitch of it is, that while Brian would be relieved if there were no gifts, and Erin would be too, Liam has totally bought into the crap that is Corporate Greed and would be devastated to wake up with no debt inducing gifts. All I can think about is that there has to be a better way. I worked my ass of this week and every penny went away last night in 2 hours. 41 hours of standing behind a register, smiling and spreading cheer, GONE TO FUCKING TARGET. People say to start early so it's not as tough right before Christmas. What about just not starting? What about standing on principal and saying, if indeed we are celebrating the 1/2 birthday of one of the most famous supporters of peace and equality, we will not riot for sneakers, we will not put our lives at risk driving like assholes, we will not skip mortgage payments or max out credit cards so that our children can continue to equate love with mass produced greed. We will stand hand in hand and sing like the Who's, we will fill a stocking with lovingly created and selected items, and we will celebrate the bravery of Saint Nicholas, who was willing to be imprisoned for his beliefs, and should be admired, even if we don't share his religion, but we will retire the coca cola santa who wears a red suit, gets fat, and hands out crap made in china. Today, I am bringing coffee and hot cocoa down to the homeless and to the occupiers, because even if I am not 100% sure of what each person out there is standing for, at least I am 100% sure that they know this isn't right or good or moral. The greed and consumerism that has always run rampant in our society has reached critical mass, and gift giving has gone from a task to find the perfect item for the perfect person, to making sure it's expensive enough, or electronic enough. Give from your heart, and only what you can afford. And receivers, be sure that whatever you are receiving, if it's not expensive or flashy or new, was selected with love. And let's all teach our kids that Christmas is not about presents. Don't just say that then buy them everything in the world, that sends mixed messages. If you care about the message of family and love, teach that. Start traditions centered around that. I screwed up BIG time this year, and have learned and will begin changing now. Liam and I are going to the store to buy ingredients to bake cookies for Santa, for the folks at work, and for the homeless. That will become a new tradition for us. We will become a family with traditions based on labor and love. I hope next year to not have to hear about riots, traffic accidents and angry mobs, but at least I won't experience them first hand, since I will not be at Target on Christmas Eve Eve, which shouldn't even be a thing!!!

Apparently the real kick happens at a month and 2 days!

Any of you who follow me on facebook or g+ know that today has been a tough day. I am sure I am looking at things all wrong, in a woe is me way, rather than finding some silver linings, so I am going to dissect the events of today to find a positive. First thing, the dog cried ALL night last night, so I was not able to sleep, there by making me more emotional than usual. The positive there of course is that the dog crying was the cutest most snuggley dog in the world, and I think he just wants his cat carrier back instead of his sweet new big boy dog crate, which is an easy fix. Second, I was woken up by a processor at 10 AM, to receive my summons. It could have been 9. And I have like 17 days to respond, so that's something. Third, I was complaining about the summons when the doorbell rang and a certified letter person dropped off the bill from the IRS. I guess the positive there is that the person who dropped it off also dropped off another package containing a Christmas present for Liam. After that, my laptop decided it wouldn't work, even when plugged in, which forced me to go downstairs and get out of bed. The laptop has since come to it's senses too. Also, I learned that Brian is super cool and totally willing to relocate for any reason! There won't be a reason, but it's still cute that he was on board. Some good things happened today too. I picked up my first pay check from a job I really enjoy. I found a really cute stocking stuffer for Liam for 1.07$. I bought groceries and beer for the party tomorrow, and have managed to hang onto my friends, despite all the crap I have been carrying around with me lately. Oh, and I lost 4 pounds this week, which is always welcome! So to sum up, being sued, have 60 days to work out a deal with the IRS, have an old crappy lap top, need a bankruptcy lawyer who likes doing things for free, or for beer, have a fun job, great friends, a super awesome family my teeth aren't black, and I speak the same language as most of the people around me, and I have a whole new creative approach to my wardrobe that has been really fun lately. (This is not a judgement statement, I am just saying that it's a positive when you can communicate effectively.) Am I in the win column today? I still don't think so!!!!! :) See some of you tomorrow! Love you all for reading this and thinking about me!

It has been a month

Yesterday was the monthaversary of the school abruptly closing. Seems like it's been either way longer or way shorter! Time is so wonky. In the past month we have been very busy. And very damp. It's been a rainy month, which is pretty cool for Texas. I would say it's washing away the past, but all it's really doing is tracking mud all over my house every time the dogs go out to pee. So, the rain may be washing away the past, but swiffer has been washing away the mud! I wanted to write last night when I was feeling inspired, but even more than that I was feeling exhausted. I have a new job and it's fairly easy in that I can pick it up pretty quickly, but it's very busy and I am worn out at the end of every day. Still, I love it! I love having a job description that doesn't involve figuring out how to make 200 stretch into 2000$. And knowing that if I make a mistake, the stakes are not very high. Another super weirdly awesome part of retail, is that clothes. I am loving picking out different cute clothes every day to wear. Yesterday I rocked pink tights and it was epic. I am not at all sure what I will wear today, as it's rainy and gross and my deerskin lined shoes got wet yesterday. Worst vegetarian ever!!!! Although, I promise I didn't lick the shoes. But it's neat knowing that like 1000 different people are going to see you and hundreds are going to talk to you, makes you want to blow dry your hair every day and wear makeup. It's weird that it's noon and I am still gearing up for an 8 hour work day though, that will take some getting used to. But all in all, I have accomplished a lot this month. I have sold everything from the school and it's out of my garage. I have my certificate to start the training program and my training areas chosen. I have a book in the works, a cool new job that I love, and a Christmas party coming up on Saturday. I still think it's weird that had things gone differently I would be at Miss Julie's today stressing and still working out the closing details for the end of the month. But I am so thankful that I am not. I still have some serious debt to pay there, and learned that a corporate bankruptcy is VERY expensive. I still have to finish up my w-2's, and all my IRS paper work. But I am getting there, and every day doesn't feel like another giant mountain I have to climb only to reach the top, sigh with relief then look ahead to a much much bigger one. I honestly don't know how I made it for so long, and think the recovery will still take a little while. I lived with so much fear and dread for so long, and was on the defensive every second, that it's tough to come back to normal and remember what normal even felt like. Anyway, I have a light bulb to change in my closet so I can pick out my retail outfit of the day!

Maturity means working rather than planning a hangover.

I have definitely reached a milestone in my life, where I willingly agreed to work at 10 AM after our annual Christmas party. I saw the stack of resume's awaiting the shredder and realized just how lucky people with jobs are. As a former employer, I know that people have a choice in who they hire, and even a choice in keeping someone once you give them a job. I believe that maturity comes with realizing, as an employee, that the job is not the lucky one to get you. I felt a little guilty actually, looking at the doomed resumes, and really hope the other people find something too. I am lucky enought to be a Sheehy, which is "merit" enough to keep a roof over our heads and our lights on. And Brian is fortunate to have found a great company to work for over 6 years, so he takes care of gas, credit cards and groceries. So, I do feel guilty that this may have been someone else's roof, or lights, or gas. But for us, it will be not eating pasta 4 times a week, not worrying that on the 2nd every month once the "Sheehy" money has gone to bills, we will have 45$ a week to live on, and I am really happy that even though it could just be a seasonal job, and I could have some more uncertain times while I hopefully establish my training career, for Christmas we will have extra. I think more than age, maybe it was being an employer that I saw how easily people can start to take their livelihood for granted and forget that the money comes from somewhere, and those people have a choice in who to give it to. I never regretted my choices of who to give it to, but it made me aware that even in a giant corporation, it does come from somewhere. I also learned through Miss Julie's that I completely devalued myself, which sucked. I worked for free for 4.5 years. The stress and heartache alone should have been good for 150K a year. But, that is beside the point for today! Today, I have a job, I will not take it for granted, and I will be delighted to trade my skills for money. For people out there who are still looking for jobs, don't give up hope, and for people who have a job where you are respected and paid, don't take that for granted.

And there goes the phone again!

I said there were things I would be filling my days with...In continuing to document my life since being locked out on November 14th, I feel like I have lost quite a bit of steam. I had the quick off the block flurry of activity, then Thanksgiving weekend of craziness, and now really nothing. Well, not nothing nothing. I got a seasonal job at Barnes and Noble that I start on Thursday, and I am completely psyched about that. And I learned how to make veggie broth from veggies and water and some spices. I also connected my laptop to my office printer wirelessly, played a VERY drunken game of Wingo (sorry, Sylvia), have done some Christmas shopping, learned how to make scarves and bracelets from t-shirts, realized that I HATE painting pottery while making some gifts for some friends, watched The Muppets and while doing so regained some childlike wonder and love, eaten like 15 meals out of the house, and put up my tree. That might sound like a lot, but that is literally all I have done since November 28th. There might be a few more mundane tasks, checking my mom's mail, planning food and drinks for the holiday party, watching the First 48 and to Catch a Predator at 1 AM... Really, nothing. I feel like someone else should document their lives so I can see how far off the path I am of "normal" busy! Right now I seem to be at "fill your day" busy. That's the least awesome of the busies, because it is VERY expensive. And while not working is FAR more lucrative than Miss Julie's ever was, I still can't go spending willie nillie. I learned that a bankruptcy on Miss Julie's will cost me several thousand dollars, so I should start saving, especially as my rotten toothed land baron wants to sue me for December's rent saying that I left before the lease was up and chose to go out of business. Pretty tough to stay in business when your locks have been changed. But anyway, I digress, and as Yoda says, "anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering." So, I will move on! I feel like I used to be able to sit down and knock a blog out, or a few more pages of my book, or whatever, so easily. Lately it's like I feel this tightness in my stomach every time I write, and while the words are here I am just waiting to be pulled away, distracted. I never imagined that being unemployed would leave me "fill your day" busier than ever before. Tomorrow Brian is off so we have to get his car fixed, correctly this time, do some holiday shopping, maybe play some disc golf, and who knows what else. Thursday I am taking a friend's spot volunteering at a food bank since she is busy, then working, then WINGO. If I can, before then, I will be back! Otherwise, if I am not working on Friday, I will dedicate at least 1 full hour to the blog and the book. In the meantime, here is a thought to leave you with, "Busy work means something that is meaningless, so maybe being busy shouldn't be the goal at all."