How about J for Julie!

Really, it's for jealousy and how easy it is to feel it, even though we know nothing about other people's lives. Sometimes, I think, I know enough. I wrote this whole blog about entitlement, friendship, disappointment, and what it really means to put other people first...BUT, I knew it would cause a lot of resentment, so I deleted it. I will say that I do feel quite a lot of very nasty and negative things lately, and that I would really like the sun to come out. I'm so tired of feeling used. It's not the debt, the inevitable end, the super crazy awesome exciting promise of the future, it's the knowledge that I am coming out of it so much more alone than I entered into it. So, maybe jealousy isn't the right word. I am not jealous of those who have, they (to some extent) earned it, worked for it, traded something else for it, who knows. I think what it is is sort of amazed that people who have so much often times see so little of others, and automatically get this sense of entitlement. I truly hope that as a result of our struggles these past 2 years, and probably most of next year, Liam will not have that. I hope that not only does he not compare himself and his possessions to others, but that he does not demand what he wants from other people, and become angry at the world, his boss, his friends, whatever when things don't go his way. Sometimes, things don't go our way. And as I write this, I am more and more aware that the me of 3 years ago would have been an object of jealousy for the me now, and the me back then didn't realize how good I had it either! So, coming full circle, I suppose, the people I might envy, could have been where I am before, or could be there sometime in the future. There are no guarantees. I wish I had done things differently, trusted differently, prioritized differently, but in the end, I can't judge myself too harshly for trying to make things better for people I cared about. Wow, I don't know if ANY of this made sense, but I sure feel better!!!
And now, for your viewing pleasure, an apple trying to eat a dog!