Day 4, finishing something

I am like the last work somebody starts before dying an untimely death. You know, the album that never gets finished, the sonnet or Opera, or movie, or sentence I guess if it was a very untimely death! But today I am going to complete at least one project! Besides reading another 200 page children's book. (Gregor the Overlander=awesome! Make your kids read it!) I started cleaning my room again, it REALLY needs to be done. But before I get too far in that, I am finally going to finish the damn coffee table! Maybe finishing something will give me a kick in the pants to attack more meaningful things like bankruptcy. I did write another couple paragraphs of my book yesterday, but at this rate I will be done in 2025. And it won't make any sense... But anyway, I slept too late again, like 10:30, then read that awesome book, cleaned 1/2 my room, and am ready to get my paint on! Nikki and Randy will be here tomorrow, so I really want the table to be done and my house to look respectable! In similar news, if anyone has a maid they want to lend me as a 1/2 birthday gift, I would not say no, my house is DIRTY! Plan of attack: A coat of actual paint, not more primer, finally on the table. Clean the downstairs, finish my room, and think about my bathroom and closet. The closet is scary! Really scary. And that's sad since I have the most amazing closet in the history of closets, with 100 shoe cubbies, a great little built in dresser, cubbie holes for my jewelry boxes, and crap covering it all up. So yesterday I was getting my hair cut and Steph, my beloved hair stylist and friend asked if I was depressed. Maybe it was my gross clothes and lack of makeup, (It's hard to find thigs in my messy closet) but it made me wonder if I might be. Not like, quick get her to a hospital or feed her drugs, depressed, but I wonder if all this willful inactivity is really a lack of willingness to move forward. Depression, fear, apathy...who knows. I do know that I once again find myself feeling all alone, and am spending lots more time in my room and asleep, never a good sign. I should get out into this cloudy day and shake myself up a bit. Jobs don't have to define people. I could be the person with the super clean house and fabulous body from having 5 hours a day to exercise after the house is clean. OK, that's depressing!!! I think I am hesitant to do things because, why bother, I can just do them tomorrow, after all, I will be here. Yesterday I went out and went bowling with Amy's fiancee, and that was so fun! I won the first game and lost the second and third, but even that made me realize it was his day off, all I have is days off. I was not created to be a stay at home person, I need the world to roam around in or I feel closed in and awful, but maybe if I identify myself as one for now it will give me some focus. 9-3 is lots of time for cleaning and exercise. I think I will call my friend Madeline and see about some volunteer work, out in the world once my house is clean! What am I supposed to be doing right now? Oh yes, painting, cleaning, and getting ready for 4 days with my awesome and super duper loved sister, Nikki! In order to do that, I have to finish the table, which means stepping away from the computer. :)