Not so Terrible Tuesday?

OK, I figured I couldn't just leave things as they were before! I have had a super emotional past couple of days. Brian was just saying to me yesterday that he liked reading about our life because when it is condensed to just a couple of paragraphs it seems so sane, when the reality is actually quite the opposite most days. But I really think that as a whole our lives are sane, they just contain some very insane moments. Today was not so different. For a little while I thought everything was changing and that I was not as in control of what happens in my home as I would like to be. But, ultimately, caution and speaking up for myself and for our WHOLE family won out, and we have been given a reprieve for a little while. We had a big scare though, and I think the benefit was that I saw for the first time how much we have changed and how much we have grown to become a network that loves and supports Skyler. My one wish would be that he would join the cause though, because we can only fight so long without him before we are sure to lose. If he would join the fight, we would be unbeatable. I don't think he cares enough about himself yet to want to dig in and work it out. Fortunately we care enough about him to make up for it for now.

I talked to a person on the phone today who gave me some new hope, and we are going to be adding some new members to our team! It has been Brian and I for so long, now that we have enough people on our team to play soccer, we can certainly put up a better fight! She is going to work with us, and refer other people who will work with us. His caseworker, our caseworker, his therapist, we are all working together now. That will make this whole journey more meaningful and less stressful! In the meantime, we have to make some sacrifices too, and one of those was really saying goodbye to the life we once had. I was given the opportunity to get it all back to how it was before, and it just about broke my heart, and Brian's. So, now I know, this is where we are supposed to be. Liam and Skyler have no idea how close we came today to losing a family member, and I am so glad that I was able to rally and stand up for my family. We are going to have a family meeting to discuss the events of the day, and hopefully Sky can make a new pact with us to work tirelessly to remain an integral part of our lives.

Also, a positive for us is that we are aiming for August now for the adoption, it will no longer be March or April. In case the ball that has been set in motion lands us somewhere new, we don't want to lose the help of the state. (I know, I always bitch about them, but they do have some good resources once you figure out how to get at them and stop letting them dictate your life!)

So, sorry for the previous alarm! I am OK, and after a much needed 3 hour cry, feeling worlds better. Although I scared the hell out of Erin, and probably Chris T. because I am SO not a crier!